NZ Baby Blog

The most frequently asked question by far, by those with 1 child already especially, after the usual how is the baby, what is it etc etc, is “How is your older child coping?”. Your biggest fear I think how your older child will react to the newbie. Will they be jealous, will they be mean or upset, testing or unfazed or what?

In our case our older boy reacted about as well as we could expect. He was interested & loving towards his younger sister (helps she gave him a bike as present  to sweeten the deal , and a bit more challenging towards his parents.

Obviously YMMV (Your Milage May Vary), but I think that if you’re expecting, or thinking about it, then a rough guide to how your own child will react can be taken from how they react to other stressful (although not necesarily negative) occasions.

For example, how does your chiild/family cope with going on holiday for a couple of weeks - and if you don’t know then this is a perfect excuse to find out.   Our child doesn’t sleep so good and doesn’t eat so good so tends to get a bit fragile and prone to getting sick.

And how did they react to starting daycare, or kindy, going to stay with Grandma etc - ie getting a bit less parental attention (Ours got a bit clingy, and wanted mum a lot).
That is about exactly what happened when the baby came along, but with the added tricky of mum spending some time superglued to the bed or couch and obviously completly knackered.

Advice from the experts I read included…

• To not “blame” everything on the baby - ie “mummy is tired” is ok, “mummy is tired because baby kept me up a lot” is not so good, “it’s  the babies fault that I’m tired” really not good.
• To spend time with your older child while the younger one is asleep, although that does fly in the face of the “sleep when baby sleeps” advice so there is a balance that needs to be found there.
• Keep to the older childs routine as much as possible - which is good

My own coping strategy for that tricky “feeding the baby in bed in the morning, please don’t jump all over me I just can’t quite cope with you right now on my 4 hours sleep” time, was to play some special games - in our case “cafes” and “making shopping lists” which involve him with a pad and pen, choosing meals and thinking about what we buy, without me needing to move. And singing action songs (5 big dump trucks was our fave), and him doing little jobs like opening the curtains, putting nappies in the bin/bucket, emptying potty, choosing baby clothes, fetching nappies etc etc so that his energy & running around is channeled.

The “jobs” startegy has the added bonus that if you think of a job that they need to do in their own bedroom (fetch clothes, open curtains), with any luck they’ll get distracted by a toy and you’ll get 10 mins peace as well.

It took about 3 months for us to find something like a new equilibrium, which actually went pretty quick.

Yay us. Today was our first “2 nappy day”, and baby is just a week short of 8 months old. We missed some signals I think at lunch when we were at a cafe (so much going on for all of us), but it’s our best day so far.
Infant potty training really does rock, you gotta love no poopy pants to change.

Right now I’m in search of the perfect nappy bag. I’m not having a lot of luck, what I want is….

• A big enough compartment to hold a small potty (about 15cm square although it’s basically a round bowl that looks a bit like a top hat), nappies, change mat, wipes etc
• Weather proof - so a flap over the top is good for that
• Tip over & toddler proof/resistant - ie a zipper top so that everything doesn’t just fall out when it tips over
• A nice colour - for me this would be something bright, but probably not patterned
• Other compartments so that the potty is separate to clothes, snacks etc
• Drink holder on the outside for a waterbottle (but not on the inside in case it leaks)
• Long strap and/or way to attach to the pram
• Durable

My last 2 nappy bags have failed on being a nice colour (both black), and one was not at all durable.

My current one is a nice bright yellow Koha messenger bag, but it doesn’t zip closed so stuff falls out all the time when it tips over.

Things that I don’t need

• Places to put baby bottles
• Built in change mat

You wouldn’t think it was so much to ask for really!

Update:  What I got in the end is an orange leather OiOi Hobo bag. It’s capacious and pretty, the only thing it lacks is the weather proofing flap over the zip but so far so good and it hasn’t leaked.

At 2.12 am on the 18th of June Ms Charlotte Rose Blake joined us in the outside world with a lusty cry to show all was well, and then settled down to see what all the fuss was about - laxing out under the heat lamps.

She weighed in at a very average 3.28kg.

We got started at 6pm ish, phoning Grandma & the midwife around 7pm. By the time Grandma had gotten here it looked like it was going to be another false start, but as the midwife was already on her way to the hospital she said come in anyway.

Off we went, found the birthing unit, and was very disappointed to find we weren’t in a room with the grab bars on the wall, and that we didn’t have a lazy boy either! Si had to sit on the swiss ball in the bathtub!

Things aren’t that exciting when you can read a book while pacing about (Book was the Sari Shop which was OK but sort of petered out at the end).

At 10pm we were looking to break the waters to get things morning along, but as it turned out, they broke anyway themselves.

4 hrs later and full dilation is achieved and then begins the longest 12 minutes of my life complete with a lot of swearing, some pleading, and attempts to negotiate which all failed to impress anyone, but in the end out she came without any interventions.
Then it’s a bunch of drugs to try and prevent an excess of bleeding in me, more gas (mmm good gas), cuddles with baby, checking everyones ok, food for both parties, and finally off to the ward for some rest.

You know you’re getting to the business end of your pregnancy because you start to get more pain! In my case jack-knifing out of bed at 5am with leg cramps.

This is a sub-optimal way to wake up, so I turned to Google in search of answers. What I got was what you often get with non fetally harmful pregnancy conditions “we don’t know why it happens, try eating differently, put up with it”. In this case, try eating more salts & minerals (Potassium, magnesium, zinc and sodium were popular suggestions), walk around to walk it off, put some heat on your leg.

The key here being “we don’t know why it happens so we really don’t know how to stop it happening“. Getting cramps when you’re running a marathon, you can kinda see why you might be a bit short of some vital minerals, and why keeping your electrolites up would be a good idea. Sleeping in bed seems an altogether less strenuous activity (especially when you’re 6 months pregnant), so it’s harder to see why at 5am you suddenly run out of something (assuming you’re not sweating etc in which case removing a duvet seems a good idea).

As it happens, I’ve had general OOS pain issues, and pre-pregnancy had been getting treated at the Southern Cross Pain Clinic in Wellington - but had been discharged. So as I had some hip pain as well I booked myself in to see what could be done that didn’t involve eating my own weight in bananas (Potassium).

Apparently there is quite a simple explanation for why you might get leg cramps in pregnancy. The part of your spine/back where the messages about cramps come from is about a hand width above the small of your back. So your causal options are referred pain (check, pain in hips could do that), and/or just pain from trying to compensate for carrying a 5kg lump out in front - again more plausible than that you’ve had a run on your magnesium store.
Consequently there is some safe treatment that seems to work.

I got saline injections into the area, as well as into my hips, and it’s keeping the cramps under control.  In addition, when I get that “pre cramp” feeling in my legs and feet, I apply a hot wheat pack to my back and it’s meant that so far I’ve had no more jack-knifing out of bed.

The cost of private treatment was about $175 I think, so a bit more than bananas, but worth it I think.

The doctor is Dr Giresh Kanji - a very sympathetic man. If you’ve got health insurance you can probably get it for nix if you get a referal from your midwife or obstetrician (or even GP).

I wish that there was a reliable source of info on good (and bad) cafe’s to take small children to in Wellington.

At the weekend we went to Super (old Island Bay Cafe) in the main shops, Island Bay village on the Parade. The food was good, and they have a nice big “fenced” play area inside, with quite a few toys, and some toys in the “garden” out the back as well.

Our boy is 3, so was perfect for him. If you’re breastfeeding it’s not so good. On a fine day you could get some privacy out the back, otherwise it’s  all open plan and no easy chairs or couch anywhere so you need to have your technique sorted for the unsuported feed.

They do have a kids menu, fluffy was ok, and reasonably quick to come.

As it’s on the main Island Bay bus route, if you have a bus fiend like I do then there is a bit of entertainment out the window as well.

Long time no posts, I’ll get caught up sooner (or more probably later) but right now I’m back trying to click my boy to sleep (now nearly 18 months so more of a toddler than a baby).

The problem: Not going back to sleep quickly in the night without being patted/holding your hand.

My goal is for my boy to go to sleep by himself in his cot, without having him cry himself to sleep. He was doing it quite well, but has drifted off again due to a mixture of teathing problems and sickness etc. At the moment it’s taking up to 1.5hrs for him to get back to sleep, which is pretty hard on the parents at 3am.

Yesterday we got started.

The behaviour I want to reinforce

is quietly lieing in his cot - not standing up at his cot, and not crying, even when I leave the room.

The reward

is what he likes, which is being patted or cuddling my hand.

The method I’ve employed is similar to teaching a dog to stay

• Get him lieing in cot not crying first by usual method of cuddling/patting etc.

• When he’s been calm for a minute or so, withdraw the hand for 5 seconds, if he’s still & happy, then pat as a reward for about 10 times (so more patting than not patting initially).
• Then withdraw hand for 10 seconds, then pat for 10 times
• Then withdraw hand for 20 seconds - then reward
• Repeat building up to 1 minute
• Then 2 minutes

When I got to 2 minutes with me by the cot, I decided to go for distance as well.

As any dog trainer knows, if you change one variable, you need to compensate with the others.

• So it was 10 seconds with me 1 foot away, then back to patting
• 30 seconds with me 1 foot away then reward
• 1 minute 1 foot away then reward

Then

• 10 seconds with me over by the door
• 30 seconds by the door
• 1 minute by the door

10 seconds out of sight completely in the hallway - that was tricky, he got back up again so I went back to by the door for a longer time, then tried just a literal walk out the door and back in, got it.

Out of sight for 20 seconds but quiet (ie just out side the door)

Then the next biggie, me walking down the hallway (Squeaky floorboards don’t help my cause)

YAY managed that too (which is about 30 seconds), but he stayed horizontal.

So I’m up to about a minute out of sight, and he’s asleep, so end of practice for today.

This took about an hour, total awake time including potty and feed 1.5 hrs, so the same as if I hadn’t done it, but at least I felt I’d made better use of the time, and we didn’t wake up the whole house.

Sleeping was going really well for a few months, we had done a bit of toughing it out in the middle of the night after he’d started waking up and staying awake at 2am for a few days - this was at about 9 or 10 months.

1st night - did nothing asleep after 1 1/2 hrs
2nd night - cuddles etc for 1 1/2 hour, crying for 1/2 hr, sleep after 2 hrs total
3rd night - small cuddles, crying for 1/2 hr, sleep after 1 hr
3rd night - no cuddles, crying for 15 mins or so, sleep after 1/2 hr
4th night - no wakeup!

At the same time I instituted: Farex & Formula cereal before bed, milk before a bath, and a later bedtime. He was going about 10 hours, but now more like 9.

And now at a year the dreaded hungry wakeup is upon us again. It’s got a bit hotter, and he’s eating a bit less well during the day, and doing a heep more, walking and running everywhere, and thus waking up after 6 hours or so hungry. At the moment I’m feeding him but I’m thinking of ways to increase his food during the day so that he’s not hungry at night. So far I’m not getting far with it and my brain is a weeny bit fried.

Actually the plan worked for getting him to go to sleep by himself. I spent a few weeks diligently putting him in his cot, taking him out before he got upset, gradually increasing the time int he cot until he could be there for 15-20 mins quite happily. Then one night I left him to it and went and brushed my teath, came back, and he was asleep, yay!

Then of course I didn’t keep it up for a bunch of not very good reasons, so we’re back feeding to sleep at the moment because it’s quick and easy and reliable.

I’ve been thinking though that I might make the effort again to get him to go to sleep in his bed a bit more. Interestingly now he’s in his own room, he gets more soothing to sleep than he did in the room with me, because I want to make sure he’s well and truly asleep so I don’t have to get up again.

Hah, who has time to write a blog when you’ve got a (not sleeping) baby and a business - not me that’s for sure!